I became a mom one month shy of my 21st birthday. I was terrified, as most first time parents are and it was amplified with my newborn’s health issues. He had to wear a cast from the 2nd day of being traumatically born into this world, early, tiny and hungry! Already feeling as if the whole world was judging my age, having a child with a cast only fed into my under-the-microscope feelings. I worked very hard at making everything else “perfect.” Outfits were perfect, diaper changes were perfect, birthday parties were perfect, etc. I planned, organized and scheduled us into what I thought was society’s perfect – and planned myself in to anxiety and stress. I found myself doing the same thing when my second child came along 2 years later. 

As I got older, and had another child 8 years after my first was born, and then another 3 years after that – I did not have the same time or energy available to make everything perfect anymore. Add to the equation, an alcoholic partner and survival is really all I could put on the daily agenda. Once in awhile, those bursts of perfect would creep up and do creep up – making me question my frosting choice on a cupcake, a play date with too much technology, an unkind word spoken to a child from my mouth. I’m not as hard on myself as I used to be but it is hard not to feel the pressure to be society’s perfect. Truthfully though, society is busy with it’s own toddler tantrums, spilled milk and unpaid bills to notice. It is my own voice of judgement and one that needs to learn to use nice words.